Day 17: Warmth

Last night, I cooked Japanese curry. It's been a while since I cooked it. Since I had some drumsticks frozen, I decided to use this instead of stew meats. It reminded me of the time I used to cook more often in Boston during the weekends. Now that I think of it, I was quite tough back then. There was this sense of independence and stubbornness that I no longer have. I was eager to live on my own, and do everything on my own. Grocery store was about 30 minutes away via T, and I was cooking most meals during the weekends due to 12-hour a day weekday schedule with papers and readings on top of it. I was working at the college career center, conducting therapy for the first time at the rape crisis center, and studying to get my master's degree. Cooking was something not only I did out of necessity, but was a way to de-stress myself. I learned to make some dishes that were pretty easy to pack up and freeze, and I also learned how to make dishes like New England Clam Chowder (after all, I was living in Boston!)

Now that I have a very small kitchen, it can be quite challenging to cook. At the same time, there is something about having a pot full of food, filling the entire apartment with a delicious smell as I work. Japanese curry is certainly a comfort food for me. It lasts me for a few days, and it never fails to increase my appetite even when I don't feel like eating.

Today, it has been filled with warmth. Japanese curry, phone calls, texting, canceling the training session... All of these things made me think of warmth. I felt people around me caring, and myself taking care of me. As I struggle to come out of this fog, today made me realize that I was pushing myself a bit too hard as if I was punishing myself. Now that I don't, I'm starting to be able to get some work done. One step at a time...