Reflection: Summer 2011
The other day, a friend of mine (thanks LD :)) reminded me that I was blogging actively last summer (actually, only for a shy of a month). Until then, I completely forgot that I used to do that, pledging that I am going to blog every single day during the summer of 2010. AND not following through on it.
Last summer was a turning point in my life: finished my first year as a core faculty, had dissertation proposals of my own students, and started being in a committed relationship. As I sit in front of my friend (hi TL!) at a cafe, working, catching up, and eating lunch, I do not remember what I did last summer.
Lately, I have been feeling down. One of those phases where you feel negative and unmotivated for no reasons. Do you know the kind I am talking of? It's the kind that when you talk to your friends, you feel you came across as an ungrateful complainer of all times. There is nothing that's going terribly wrong with your life. You have a job, and you may even love what you do. You have wonderful friends and family that love and care about you. You have a nice living space (even if you are dealing with a crazy roommate). This is me, for the last few weeks. No obvious signs as to how come I should be depressed or unhappy with my life. Yet, I have been feeling low, doing the absolute minimum (or not even then), and not feeling good about myself. There are things I have been making progress of: started exercising again (yay! finally); writing everyday (hallelujah!); and trying to get up in the morning with less crankiness (KC may not agree with this one... but I am trying!). These good things in life, however, somehow do not seem good enough. I know they are all fantastic improvements that I have been hoping for. So why am I not happy with them? Only if I had those friends who are in the mental health field, maybe they can give me an insight as to what is going on with me (lol).
In any case, for the time being, I am going to take one day at a time. One progress at a time. I am grateful for what I have in my life. I would not change anything even if I had the power to.
Perhaps I should start going to bed thinking of things that I feel grateful for in my life (used to do this in the past)...
Last summer was a turning point in my life: finished my first year as a core faculty, had dissertation proposals of my own students, and started being in a committed relationship. As I sit in front of my friend (hi TL!) at a cafe, working, catching up, and eating lunch, I do not remember what I did last summer.
Lately, I have been feeling down. One of those phases where you feel negative and unmotivated for no reasons. Do you know the kind I am talking of? It's the kind that when you talk to your friends, you feel you came across as an ungrateful complainer of all times. There is nothing that's going terribly wrong with your life. You have a job, and you may even love what you do. You have wonderful friends and family that love and care about you. You have a nice living space (even if you are dealing with a crazy roommate). This is me, for the last few weeks. No obvious signs as to how come I should be depressed or unhappy with my life. Yet, I have been feeling low, doing the absolute minimum (or not even then), and not feeling good about myself. There are things I have been making progress of: started exercising again (yay! finally); writing everyday (hallelujah!); and trying to get up in the morning with less crankiness (KC may not agree with this one... but I am trying!). These good things in life, however, somehow do not seem good enough. I know they are all fantastic improvements that I have been hoping for. So why am I not happy with them? Only if I had those friends who are in the mental health field, maybe they can give me an insight as to what is going on with me (lol).
In any case, for the time being, I am going to take one day at a time. One progress at a time. I am grateful for what I have in my life. I would not change anything even if I had the power to.
Perhaps I should start going to bed thinking of things that I feel grateful for in my life (used to do this in the past)...
posted by yukster @ 4:15 PM
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